This is not going to be easy. Not at all.
As a family, we don’t really think she is ready for this move…. but try as hard as we could to talk the Director of the Assisted Living center into letting her stay if we promised more family visits, etc, to see if that would perk up her attitude…. she pretty much said “No… I’m sorry. I just can’t have her treating my Aids that way.” So…. now we have reached a cross roads that brings us to a very difficult decision.
My Mom has been living in an Assisted Living Center since she had her stoke 5 years ago. She made the adjustment fine in the beginning. Though she was very reluctant to do it…. she knew that none of us were in a position to give her the 24/7 care she needed…. particularly that first little while after her stroke. But she adjusted well. Like my sister said last night as we were talking…. it’s because she had someone else to take care of. Meaning…. that she felt a big concern for many of the friends she made in her first Assisted Living center. She wanted to make sure they got down to dinner and such and would go ‘pick them up’ on her way. She was like a little Mother Hen to many of them. Most of those people have passed on now.
Then we had to move her about 3 years ago. She was needing more care and the facility she was in was forcing her out of her beautiful 2 room apartment. She would need to move to another section of the building that was ‘licensed’ to give her the level of care she was needing. Unfortunately, those rooms were very small! She would have had to get rid of most of her furniture (which was one of the reasons she adapted to Assisted living in the first place, because her own stuff was around her).
Consequently, we checked out other facilities and found one that had a lovely room … not quite as big as the one she was in…. but much bigger than the cracker box we would have had to move her in at the first place. Plus, they gave the level of care she needed. We felt very blessed to find another place we were able to make a ‘home’ for her.
Now…. she is starting to show signs of getting dementia and seems to be treating the girls that work at her facility unkindly, so they say. If only it was as easy as telling her to quit being mean…. then perhaps we could keep her there. She is very demanding and wants things done her way. She insists the girls stay with her longer than they should be, which cuts into time they need to be spending with other residents. It’s a hard situation to be facing.
I hate to see my Mom like this. When we were faced with the first decision to put her into Assisted Living….. she not only adapted well but had a great attitude about it. She knew she could either be miserable or choose to make the best of it. She chose to make the best of it and was a pretty pleasant resident to deal with. This ornery attitude she seems to be getting, is very hard for everyone to handle. If only she could ‘choose’ to be happy again… Then again…. the recent fall she experienced would be enough to make anyone ornery!
I can see it’s time for me to do a little studying up on how to deal with dementia. It’s so hard to see someone turn into someone they are not! Her older sister had major problems with dementia before she passed. We are just praying that she doesn’t get that bad. Hopefully it’s just being a little forgetful.
My sister has been a Saint through all of this. She’s been through more than any of us siblings have any idea about since she’s been in charge of Mom’s care!
Though I’m very saddened at the thought of having to move Mom again….. I’m so grateful for the time she’s had at both facilities! They have been so good to her. It’s just hard to face the facts that this is happening. I’m a believer that everything is put in our path for a reason….. I just need to learn the lesson I’m suppose to from this…… but that doesn’t make it any easier!
I am Grateful! How are You?