Why is it that forgiveness seems so hard? I’ve had conversations with people the last few days and heard several of them say “It will be a long time before I can forgive them”. Others I’ve talked to in conversation are having a hard time forgiving themselves.
Sometimes I like to research the topics I’m talking about…. and this topic is no different. Below is some words of wisdom from Rabbi Irwin Kula:
When You Don’t Forgive…
…It’s like wearing dark sunglasses that distort everything you see. You also want everyone else to see through these glasses. Forgiveness is taking those glasses off. Not forgiving is like carrying heavy suitcases full of books through an airport. Forgiving is putting the suitcases down and walking away without them. It is lightening up. It is being able to enjoy your life, laugh again, and see the beauty in others. When you cannot forgive yourself, you cannot forgive others. When you cannot forgive others, you cannot forgive yourself. The dynamic of forgiveness is the same in both cases.
It seems to be a cycle….. I guess that’s why it’s such an important concept to learn. Yet we allow things to bother us to the point of telling ourselves that we are not capable of forgiving….. either ourselves or others. We let it become a grudge. A recent post from Mediations for Women talked about how important it is to let go of grudges.
“Holding grudges will consume your emotional energy…if you let it.”
Holding grudges uses lots of emotional energy. And, when your emotional energy is tied up in a grudge, it holds you in the past. Grudges hold energy hostage and it’s not until you forgive that your energy can be restored.
Think of forgiveness as something you do for yourself. Think of it as something that makes you stronger, not weaker.
If you’re holding grudges, let them go. Seek reconciliation if needed. If you find it hard to forgive then start with the small grudges and work your way up. The physical feeling of relief and the energy reclaimed will be well worth it.
Forgive today. It’s time to move on!
Moving on can be the hard part….. but such an important step. Now I realize here that there are definitely situations that make the forgiveness process a hard one….. I certainly understand that. It’s possible that someone may need some therapy sessions to work through their feelings. But hanging onto grudges, or staying mad at yourself for a mistake you made is only wasted energy.
Dr. Wayne Dyer says: “Forgiveness is the most powerful thing that you can do for your physiology and your spirituality, and it remains one of the least attractive things to us, largely because our egos rule so unequivocally. To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right, that we accept the evil deed. But this is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered by the behaviors that caused the wounds. Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself, that you are an object of love and that that is what you are going to impart.”
I’m certainly not an expert here….. I can’t give you advice on the steps to take if you are holding onto a grudge or can’t forgive yourself….. but I guarantee that if you ‘google’ it…. you’ll find all kinds of insights and wisdom out there on how to deal with it. I do believe that it’s a necessary part of discovering our full potential. It’s hard to discover that if you are holding onto negative energy.
I’m grateful that I can’t think of anything in my life that I am struggling to let go of…. as far as holding a grudge. That’s not to say that I haven’t had to deal with those things in the past, but at least if I had a grudge at some point…. I can’t remember what it is right now. Am I perfect and never allow myself to get mad about things! NO! Far from it…. I don’t pretend to say I am. It’s just that recent conversations with people have made me realize that I feel blessed in that area. I’m sure I have things to work on….. but I honestly couldn’t think of anything that I’m so mad about that I’m still harboring feelings about it…. and I’m so grateful for that!
The process of forgiveness reminds me very much of the recent post I made on Ho’ oponopono. I believe the mantra and philosophy apply very much to the process of forgiveness. You can read my post from a few days ago or even google it…. you’ll find plenty of information out there on it….. but here is the basic mantra: I’m sorry…. Please forgive me….. I Love you…… Thank you! A process that can be applied to forgiving yourself as well as others.
I wish for you all the blessing of allowing forgiveness to free you of any negative energy you are holding onto…. whatever it may take for you to release it, I hope you do so you can move on without the burden. Just remember what Lily Tomlin said: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.” The past won’t change! Make it a better future!
I am Grateful! How are you?
This is an interesting concept on you quest for forgiveness. I know there are a lot of people out there that swear by tapping. Never tried it myself…. but the things he says while he’s tapping make total sense!