15 — The End IS in Sight!

January 9th was treatment day #11!  I’m almost there! So excited I can’t stand it!

The treatment went OK.   The last med they give me always make me feel a little yucky for a while but it seems to subside for a bit after it finishes.

We had the ‘private’ room this time.  It was crowded with not many chairs left in the main area, so we took it.  It was kind of nice but I actually had issues with the chair.  If my goal was to sleep the entire time, it would have been a great chair!  Probably one of the few that you can lay back that far.  But since I like to sit up and do other things…. it was kind of hard to make it stay in a comfortable position for sitting.   But I got by.

I spent the time finishing up a baby hat I had started at home.  I was planning on making a run up to PCMC to drop off a bag of hats I now have for children and this was the only pattern for kids left in my ‘Chemo Caps and Wraps’ book that I hadn’t made yet, so I wanted to get it done.  Though I didn’t have the exact yarn the pattern called for, I think it turned out OK.  I’ve made some really cute kids hats that I’m excited to drop off.

They’ve been giving me Tylenol during my chemo to help fight off the chills and fever I’d been getting after treatments.  Last time I still got them a little, but not as bad as before I started taking the Tylenol.  This time was even milder.  I didn’t really have what I would call chills and fever.  I was cold for a while but I never felt like I got hot till I woke up around midnight or so kind of wet.  Not like I’d been in the past…. just a little sweaty.  My real problem this time was just feeling yucky!  Kind of like flu-ish.  Mostly stomach pain.  It’s amazing how getting through the first night makes a difference the next day.  I guess my body is just trying to get rid of that poison!  I always feel MUCH better the second day!

It was my Mom’s birthday today.  I felt bad because we weren’t able to celebrate it with her.  We try to go to dinner as siblings to celebrate her birthday, but because I had treatment today, we couldn’t go.  She seemed really in good spirits when I called her that morning however.  My sister had cheered up her room with balloons and banners and I think it perked her up.

Our plan was to go to dinner the next night because I usually feel pretty good the next day.  Unfortunately…. the HUGE snowstorm that came through our area the next day put a damper on that.  We didn’t get hit bad here in Riverton…. but up north where my Mom and and the rest of my siblings are really got it bad!  They got 18″ of snow or better in some places.  So now…. we’ve had to postpone our dinner.  My one sister and her husband are leaving for  a cruise so it will be two weeks before we can celebrate Mom’s birthday.  I guess the good thing is it can now be a celebration of me ringing the bell too!  I will have had my last treatment when we get together, so I guess it will be for both now.  I don’t think she’ll mind!

January 12

Because of the snow and cold temps…. I’ve pretty much just been at home the last couple of days.  I’m SO grateful for a nice warm house!  I can’t even imagine life without it.

Yesterday, John spent most of the day helping my son with car problems.  Major ones I’m afraid.  To the point he has to make a decision about what to do.  Darn cars.  I was here crocheting.  Big surprise!  I finished another hat from my book.  Now I’m down to only 1 pattern left from the book that I haven’t made!  That’s pretty exciting!  Many of the patterns in there are a little more difficult or time consuming than some I’ve found off the internet, so I put off making them!  This last one was very time consuming…. but now it’s done.  The last pattern in the book will take some time too.  It’s not difficult…. just small stitches and that takes longer to get done.  But we will get there!

I have so many things I need to get done in the next couple of weeks!  I have a program I bought that I have to finish by the 23rd and I’m NOT very far along in it.  I just started an online coaching class that I have homework for and yet I know that my next trip  for my treatment is my last so I want to get more hats made!!!!  Ahhhhhh!  Making hats is easier than planning out your future, which is what all the other stuff if about.  Yikes!

Because of the bad weather and the cancellation of my Mom’s birthday dinner, we didn’t get the drop made to PCMC yet.  So…. now I found a really cut doggy hat I want to hurry and make before we make an attempt at the first of the week to get up there.  BUT… I don’t have the yarn I need to do it.  I’m contemplating a quick trip to Walmart this morning…. though it’s bitter cold outside!  But from what I see in the weather report, it’s not getting any warmer today!

Saturday, January 13th we took the time to celebrate my hubby’s birthday.  My daughter will be gone for a week and this was the only time we could squeeze it in that all of us could be there.  I love spending time with my family!  Because of other things that we going on later that night, we opted to go to Red Lobster in Murray.  Even though Nate arrived at the appointed time of 5:15pm…… we still had a 35 – 40 minute wait.  Saturday night!  What can I say?

It was pricey, but delicious!  I stuffed myself way too much and paid for it later!  Some foods just don’t taste as good as leftovers!  (No excuse…. should have shared a platter!  Better choice!)

Sunday I was feeling pretty tired.  Our church doesn’t start till 1 pm now.  I didn’t wake up till 9:20 that morning.  I was suppose to be at a Relief Society planning meeting at 9:30.  I didn’t make it.  By the time noon rolled around, I decided I was too tired to go to church.  Both hubby and I went in and took a nap.  Though I wasn’t feeling that great…. I didn’t sleep well.  Even when I’m not feeling too great I seem to be able to get some energy to crochet……  so I made 3 hats on Sunday!  Silly me…..   That’s a total of 6 hats in the last few days.

Today, January 14th I’ve been feeling pretty yucky.  This is the time in the cycle when it hits me….. and its seems to have hit today.  I was hoping to spend some time with my Mom this afternoon….. but I’ve felt awful all day.  The only way to describe it is to compare it to feeling a little ‘flu-ish’.  Achy…. sore throat, tired, stomach bothering me….  Just want to kind of go to bed!  Which I did!

I tried to get myself ready for a coaching class tomorrow and I can’t seem to get myself to make those choices I need for my homework.  I know I’m using excuses…. but I keep hoping that once I’m through all this and start to feel a little better, I’ll be more in a mood to make a commitment to ‘change’.  Again…. I know it’s an excuse…. but I can’t seem to muster the desire to want to do it yet.  Not a good thing.  I can’t find the motivation.

January 15

Poor John…. not much of a birthday celebration today.   I’ve really felt yucky today.   Probably worse than yesterday.  I did manage to make myself feel well enough (though I was wondering on the way….) to get to Smashburger today for lunch for his birthday.  I had a coupon for one free entree that expires tomorrow.  I kind of like that place.  Especially the Sweet Potato Smashfries.   I guess it’s a good thing we celebrated it last Saturday with the kids at Red Lobster…. cause today is not a good day.  My stomach has been bothering me most of the day.  That’s one of the problems I seem to have right after treatment.  However…. as crummy as I feel…. I’m wondering if I’m getting the flu on top of it!  I’m headed to bed with some Alka Selzter and won’t be going to the temple in the morning.  Hopefully, in about three weeks I won’t have that as an excuse anymore!

I had some temple friends call and ask if I could go to lunch with them after the temple on Wednesday.  I figured since I missed temple, I shouldn’t go.  Besides… John had my car.  I was feeling OK at the time they had set up to meet, but figured it was better to stay home.

Thursday, I thought I was feeling pretty good.  I needed to get some buttons to finish my dog hat I had made.  John went to help Jon with his car, so I thought I’d run to Hobby Lobby.  I wanted to check out their yarn while I was there too.  I was too lazy to ‘put on a face’ so I went without makeup and just in my sweats.  As I was walking to the back of the store where the buttons are I started to feel a little tired.  Luckily there was a chair right there by the buttons and I used it while I looked.  As I was walking around looking at the yarn I was amazed at how awful I felt!  I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out of the store!  My energy level has plummeted lately.  As long as I’m sitting in my chair crocheting or doing things on the internet I feel fine.

It was all I could do to make it out of the store and back to the car.  I was wishing John had been with me. When I got home and looked in the mirror…. I looked awful!  Without makeup on, etc… I really looked horrid.  I can’t imagine what people at Hobby Lobby must have thought since I was feeling crummy too!  I probably scared some of them!

January 18

Today I had my last CT scan.  Well…. the last one for a while.  I’m sure that I will need a couple a year for a while till I’m given the all clear.  I was scheduled for noon.  You have to go in with at least 4 hours of fasting, so I got up before 8am and fixed myself a nested egg.  If you’ve never had one, it’s just a piece of bread that you tear a hole in the middle of and then crack an egg into the hole.  We usually cook them in a little coconut oil.  I had to have something or I knew I would really be hungry before the whole thing was over.  John was still in bed… so I had to get up and do it myself!  Can you imagine?  LOL  I’m just so used to him making breakfast for us!

As I was filling out the paper work later that day, before they took me in, I had to sign a paper explaining that I would be getting an IV injection of dye and making sure I wouldn’t react, etc..   I’ve had the injection before without any problem so I wasn’t worried about it and it made me quite excited because I figured I wasn’t going to have to ingest any awful oral contrast.  But alas…..  a few minutes later a nurse came out and brought out two bottles of barium for me to drink over the next hour.  Not a happy camper!   So now I know that I will get both the injection and oral contrast.  But I made it through.

It was a friendly crowd in the waiting area.  It’s usually pretty quiet when we go….. but we got into several conversations with people while we were there.  I was fascinated with a woman who was sitting across the room from me.  She was crocheting and was doing it so fast I was amazed!  She literally had 2/3 of a hat made in like 20 minutes!  I finally went over to talk to her and ask her how she did it so quickly.  I’m not sure she was much older than me, but she said she had been crocheting and knitting for years.  Since she was little.  In fact…. I got the impression that that’s pretty much all she does anymore!

I don’t know if I will ever get that fast….. I’ve only been crocheting again for about 4 months, so I guess I should give it time.  However….. I don’t plan on spending my whole life doing just that either!  Though I do enjoy it and find it very relaxing…..  I think I have other things to do too!

She ended up giving me the first hat she had made.  She asked if I wanted it for a pattern.  She just pretty much makes them up as she goes.  I took the hat from her and told her thanks.  Though I  don’t know that I will use it as pattern.  I’d have to sit and count the stitches.  I have patterns written down that are pretty similar to what she did.  But I took it and told her that after I was done using the pattern I’d give it to my Chemo hats donation.  I guess she just makes them and donates them too, but she usually gives them to her local school.  She said they have a lot of poor families in the area so she gives them to the school.

My scan went fine.  It was pretty quick once they actually got me back there.  Afterwards, I told John he needed to take me to lunch.  Since we were close and don’t often get there, we went to a little Ma and Pa place called Cous Cous in Murray.  It’s a Mediterranean grill that has great food.  I especially love their homemade Garbonzo bean chips and hummus.  They are to die for!  LOVE that hummus!   I wish I had the recipe!

After lunch we finally drove up to Primary Children’s Medical Center so I could drop off the bag full of kids hats that I had.  I had made 20 hats for kids over the last few months and wanted to get them up there.  I had started to make some ‘character’ hats the last few weeks and was pretty excited to drop them off.  I just took them to the front Information desk.  The lady had me fill out a form explaining who I was and why I was donating, etc..   While I was filling it out, she and the other lady there started looking through the bag and oohing and ahhing over the hats.  It made me happy.  Another gal came out and before I was finished filing out the form said… “I’m taking them up there right now!”  I was glad to know that some kids would be getting something to make them happy.

Saturday was pretty much a normal day.  Just spent at home….. crocheting.  However…. I did get up to make some lunch.  I figured it was time for us to have a salad.  Once again…..  I thought I was going to pass out trying to do something as easy as cutting up a few vegetables!  I had to sit down a couple of times before I was done and then I was still exhausted by the time I finished!  After we ate the salad… I started feeling really crummy again.  I told John I’d like to know what my blood pressure is right now.  He went in and got our at home blood pressure unit.  I have low blood pressure anyway….. at least I have for the last several years.  It’s normal for my top reading to be in the 90’s.  I like to take it 2 or 3 times with that machine just to double check.  It was about 91/62 the first time and then dropped to 80 something.  I had John grab me a coconut water since it can help boost your electrolytes.  He had to run to the airport to pick up our daughter, so I just went in to lay down.  I was a little cold too.  My hands had never warmed up from cutting the vegetables for the salad.   I fell asleep and stayed there till he got back almost two hours later.  I felt a little better when he got back.

I don’t know what’s going on with me that I can’t seem to put forth any effort on anything without exhausting myself.  I really almost feel these last few treatments are getting harder on me.  I’m so grateful I only have one more!!!  The frustrating part is you’d think I’d be feeling better this far into the cycle since it’s almost time for the next treatment!  So glad the end is in sight!


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